Ever since we were 16 and I watched Jeremiah hold our oldest niece, Paisley, I could picture him as a dad. And since then, we've welcomed 6 more nieces and nephews to the world and I've gotten to experience that joy over again, meeting them and watching Jeremiah meet them and have our hearts grow just a little bit bigger... And that's just our nieces and nephews! I always thought how much more could it be when we have our own?? Needless to say, we've known for a long time that we want kids. Truth be told, I always imagined I would be a young mom, having been an aunt for the first time at 16 and growing up in a community where that was the norm. But over the years, Jeremiah and I adjusted our plans, one, to finish PT school for me, but then to have a little bit of time out of school just the two of us, and together we decided on a timeline that we were both comfortable with. And yes, I recognize 28 is still very young to be a mom for many, but for me, it's older than I expected. And just that expectation alone was a tricky thing to overcome in my mind.
SO the very beginning of July 2021 I came off of the birth control pill I was on for about 5.5 years with the intention that we would really start actively trying to get pregnant in October-ish, but not preventing it in the meantime. I'd heard that it could take 2-3 months to regulate your cycle after coming off of birth control, so this seemed reasonable. But 3 months passed and still no period. And yes, multiple pregnancy tests were taken in this time. That was when I had my first doctor's appointment, just with a midwife at an OBGYN practice, but I wasn't sure what was normal and wanted to get the ball rolling. She wasn't too concerned at that time, but started to do some blood work and basic exam and told me to come back in another few months if nothing changed. Now it was January 2022 and still, no period. It was a funny thing to want a period so desperately. So I went back at the very beginning of January and more blood was drawn, a pelvic Ultrasound ordered, and she recommended perhaps I gain some weight - maybe that would help. And she suggested I get set up with a fertility specialist. At this point all tests were coming back normal, nothing to be concerned about. I met with a dietician at that time at her recommendation as well who suggested maybe 10-30 extra pounds were necessary to get a period started again. Now, I am somewhat ashamed to say how hard this was for me to hear. I was extremely frustrated at how unfair this felt with so many other people my same size seemingly having no problem, so many people more fit than me, running marathons or powerlifting, and still getting pregnant. Not to mention, prior to being on birth control, I was the same size I've pretty much always been and as far as I could remember had a normal, regular period. At least since college. So why now? Why me? But I did, I started to try to eat a little more to gain some weight, but was still running. If you know me, you know I love running. And then I went to my regular annual physical which just happened to arrive before I could get into the fertility specialist. This was now March of 2022. She had me do a "progesterone challenge" which was basically just to determine if after 10 days of progesterone once I stopped, would I get a period? If I did not, this was a bigger concern about "primary ovarian insufficiency." Fortunately I did get a "withdrawal bleed," which, while it was kind of an artificial period, it was still a relief to know my ovaries hadn't just stopped working as they should be.
Now it was time for my first fertility specialist appointment. We sat down to explain the journey so far, what tests had been done, etc. Off the bat, she agreed, yes gaining weight was a good idea, and she recommended stopping running and high intensity exercise to help get a cycle back. Man, I was once again devastated. Sounds a little silly, but for me, this is a source of joy and pride, but I did cut those out, though still work out regularly, just found a different, less intense form.
Now we started more tests and blood work! Until this whole journey started I had had my blood drawn maybe 2 times? But I'm a pro now! Fortunately I don't really mind needles. Anyway, Jeremiah and I were both very frustrated at some of the tests she wanted done. For example, she ordered an MRI of my brain, even though I had no signs or symptoms of issues with my pituitary gland, she wanted to rule it out. I also had to have a saline-infused sonogram, which was extremely painful and I'm not sure if he did it wrong or what, but it wasn't going well or working how it was supposed to and it was ruled inconclusive. Because of that, I had to then go get a different MRI, this time of my pelvis. And you guessed it... All normal. No PCOS, no thyroid issues, no ovarian insufficiency, nothing. On the one hand, a relief, on the other, frustrating to not really have an "answer." Also, expensive. Oh, and in the midst of this of course, Jeremiah got his own test done, and thankfully he was totally normal! So we could rest assured, it was just an issue from my side.
So these wrapped up around July 2022, a year later. I never would have imagined. But finally, in July, I actually got a period on my own. I was thrilled. Something was happening!! Maybe it was the weight gain... honestly, pretty likely, because nothing else had changed. I bought some at home ovulation test strips and at the same time, we were ready to start moving forward with fertility treatments. The first of these being a medication-timed cycle. So August into September we did our first round of Clomid, a medication that helps a follicle grow, and then Ovidrel, an injection I had to give myself in the stomach to release an egg. Once again, good thing I don't mind needles much, but this was still a little weird to have to do for the first time! This is after multiple ultrasounds throughout making sure the Clomid was working as it should, measuring the follicles that were growing. If they weren't quite big enough, come back in a couple of days and check again, and then the Ovidrel injection could be timed more appropriately. I had heard of many people just doing Clomid on its own, so I was a little frustrated by the multiple ultrasounds and injection as well, but I was okay with the more specific timing if that was going to give us the best change to get pregnant. Oh, and in the two weeks following, twice daily Progesterone to try to help the uterine lining support a pregnancy. Progesterone is a tricky thing to be on because it causes some symptoms similar to pregnancy symptoms, so I was overthinking every little thing I was feeling in my body during that time. And the funny thing about Ovidrel is that it contains HCG which is what comes back as positive on a urine pregnancy test. So because you would risk a "false positive" on an at home test, 2 weeks after the injection you go back to the office for a blood draw and they call you a handful of hours later with the yes or no. Our first round... "no." It was devastating of course. It felt like the first time in a year that we had a real chance of getting pregnant, and by this time we were so ready to be parents. We wanted it so bad. But this just meant, onto another round. So I started the Clomid again and just before I was scheduled to go in for a follow-up ultrasound I got Covid. So I couldn't go back in to the office, and I was not to do the injection since we didn't know the timing. Well two weeks later and an at home test, not pregnant. Even though it felt less like a possibility this time, you'd be amazed at home much you can get your hopes up each and every time. The following couple of months, roughly November and December, we had a few different vacations planned, and because of the very specific timing of the medication cycles and ultrasounds, I wasn't able to make either of those months work for completing the medicated cycle, so I was very diligent in ovulation testing and I did appear to ovulate each time! And get a period - again, such a relief! Except that now each period meant, not pregnant. So I went through two cycles on my own, which were still a little bit longer than they should have been, but this was still a major improvement. Yet, as I said still not pregnant and a big blow to Jeremiah and me each time. So in January, we were able to pick back up the medicated cycle. We decided that probably one or two more of these and then we would move onto something more "intensive" like IUI. I did my five days of Clomid, followed by a couple of Ultrasounds, things were looking good, follicles were growing appropriately, and then my Ovidrel injection a couple days later. And then, another two week wait. We were feeling less optimistic this time, just each cycle both becoming a little bit more skeptical about when/whether it would actually work for us.
The weekend before my follow-up blood test, we went skiing in Taos. I was aware that it was possible that I was pregnant so I avoided the hot tub, was a little more cautious skiing than I normally am, though I did still do a double black diamond... But did not fall! It felt frustrating because each of the many "two week waits" we'd been through I had done the same kinds of things, avoiding getting in hot tubs, anything that could be too dangerous, all for nothing. We bought our house and have used the hot tub that came with it so few times because we've been trying to get pregnant (not good for the male) or waiting to see if we are pregnant (not good for the female), it has been kind of a running joke that we are never meant to use that hot tub! Anyway, Monday night, February 6th rolls around, my appointment the following day, and my boss sent out a text to a handful of us asking if anyone wanted the following day off because we were really well-staffed. So I thought, hey, that sounds like a good idea, positive or negative, it's not very fun to get the call from our fertility clinic at work. Very distracting! So I'll take the day off. I went in for the blood draw Tuesday morning, February 7th, and did my best to keep myself busy the rest of the morning. At about 1:00 the call came in and my heart was immediately pounding as I answered. The nurse on the other end of the line fortunately said very quickly, "Well, your blood test came back very positive!" I was pacing in our bathroom and practically hyperventilating, saying "are you serious?" over and over. She encouraged me that yes, this was real! I was pregnant! She told me a couple of next steps, I thanked her profusely, quickly did my own at home urine test, just because, I wanted to see that line for myself! Then I hopped right in the car and drove to Jeremiah's work. Hands shaking (literally), so excited to tell him. He obviously knew around when I should be receiving the call. So I pulled into his work parking lot, called and said, "Hey, can you come downstairs for a second?" And in approximately 5 seconds flat he was outside and I just nodded my head "yes" at him and held out my arms, and he spun me around and we hugged and were just so thrilled. I was half crying, half laughing, neither of us believing it. This "infertility" journey was finally over and the pregnancy just getting started! We went to dinner that night and just talked about how crazy it was to now be able to talk about a baby more realistically, to start to plan and get excited. Two days later I had another blood draw to ensure that the HCG was growing steadily, which it was, and then at 7 weeks it was time for my first ultrasound! I got to have a very early one to make sure there is a heartbeat and basically to close the loop with the fertility clinic before switching over to a regular OBGYN. It's a strange and somewhat scary feeling not knowing really what's going on in your body, just trusting that everything is working as it's supposed to. I'd been having very mild symptoms so far, just a little extra fatigue, occasionally feeling just mildly nauseous, mostly just feeling very bloated (looking much more pregnant than 6 weeks along because of it!), so I was clinging to those symptoms going into the first ultrasound and we did see the tiny little bean, not much of a form, but could see the little beginnings of a heart beating at 115 bpm. A relief and SO incredibly happy. Jeremiah was there holding my hand and we still couldn't believe it but it definitely helped make things a little more real still! October 14th, 2023 we were due with our very own little baby.
When I reflect on this whole journey, I still recognize how fortunate we are in that we were able to get pregnant, really without too much assistance. Nothing was ever found to be wrong with either one of us. It was 18 months from start to finish, when for others it's many more years still, more money, more frustration and disappointment. But I think anyone who has been through any sort of fertility issues or even just taken a couple months longer to get pregnant than expected, it's scary. You feel so out of control of the situation and frustrated. It seems like suddenly everyone around you is pregnant. You wonder how so many others have seemingly no issues. Why do some people who don't even want to get pregnant, are the ones who somehow have gotten pregnant? Endless frustrations. I fortunately had Jeremiah going through all of it with me. Of course, there is no one else in the world I would have rather gone through it with. I had many family and friends praying along the way for us, listening to my frustrations, crying with me, and celebrating little victories with us. We told family and friends much earlier than most people do, because the people closest to us were so invested for us and knew around when we would be finding out positive or negative. It was so fun to tell everyone and relive the joy, to see their happiness and relief on our behalf. The number of people praying so hard for us, truly filled our hearts unlike anything else. In all of this, it was hard to make sense of but we still kept praying. And here we are! I am now 15 weeks pregnant today and have gotten to see a more detailed ultrasound and hear the much faster heartbeat a couple of times. Each time is exciting, yet as I previously mentioned a little scary to just have to trust that your body is working properly! I have continued to only have very mild symptoms, primarily bloating and slowed digestion, but I will take it over sickness any day! And really not too tired either. And I have just started to show a little bit! Perhaps not really noticeable to others, but noticeable enough for Jeremiah and me.
Thank you for those of you have supported us on the journey and continue to do so now! We are surrounded by the best friends, family, coworkers, etc. We will continue to keep the blog updated as October gets closer and... well we'll see how consistent we are in posting once the baby arrives! Parenthood here we come!
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